Notes From Cuckoo Island

The General Synod of the Church of England has been taking place in London this week. And if you’re wondering why it’s called SYNod, or bishops hold sway over their prics, read on, my child.

As per established church custom, the most recent Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, stepped down in November 2024, after an independent report criticised his handling of serial allegations of physical and sexual abuse by a man connected to the Church, in as much as he didn’t handle them at all (ironic in that much illicit handling was taking place behind closed cloisters); while in 2017, Welby asked his predecessor, George Carey, to step down as a dishonorary honorary assistant bishop for similar allegations, which also mirrored the circumstances of former Archbishop Rowan Williams and the former Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, who both either stood down, or were stooded down.

*coughs*

But then, the church is nothing without tradition.

Meanwhile, at this year’s gathering, Stephen Cottrell, the current Archbishop of York (they all seem pretty arch to me) survived a vote to block his opening address, after turning a blind eye (literally, metaphorically and Biblically) to yet more allegations of sexual abuse.

Unfortunately for the assembled throng, due to Justice Justin Welby’s absence, his planned declamation had to be scrapped, as was his choice of hymn*, For Those In Peril On The See.

As for the much-publicised vote on Church safeguarding, the Synod voted against transferring its oversight fully to an independent body, leading to much criticism from survivors and critics, though Church Ministers and officials are safely guarded from allegations of neglect, if not abuse, so what’s the problem?

Let us all now remember that famed ecclesiastical aphorism:-

“Put that child down!” (as the actress said to the Bishop.)

And for those of you who aren’t conversant with the Scriptures, the Church of England is merely adhering, word for word, to the Bible:-

“Suffer** the little children”.

*

*NB Only hymns permitted, not hers.

**Literally